A word that is often used to describe me is effervescent. I remember the first time it was used (or at least the first time I can remember). It looked it up and the definition was “bubbly, like a soda pop.” As a Diet Coke lover, I’ll take that.
After the cancer came in 2008, I can remember feeling like my physical body healed (except the large scar) but struggled emotionally and spiritually. I felt anything but effervescent. I used to look into the mirror and, regardless or my weight, could see beauty. Now, I could only look into the mirror and be angry. My body had betrayed me. There was no beauty in it, only the potential for cancer. And then came the spiritual struggle. My response to God was not so much to ask why but to stop talking, to stop praying and speaking from a place of God’s presence dwelling in me. I felt like I lost my voice.
And yet, it is coming back (not the cancer, my voice). February 13th will mark three years since I heard the words, “You have cancer.” This blog is my way of finding my voice again. It is my way of allowing God’s word to trump cancer and its fall out. Its my way of reminding myself that cancer didn’t steal my desire or passion for God. I have a voice and this is my way of using it.
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